Indy and Its Colts

I was surprised to learn that the Colts' victory parade through Indianapolis was set for yesterday--the day after the Super Bowl--rather than a little bit later in the week. The procession was so delayed that by the time it got going, the night was completely black. Perhaps they should have listened to me and actually waited for the plane to arrive before counting on floats and such. I was out on the street ready to see Indianapolis in all its glory. I'm not sure what I saw, but it's hard to call it glory. One excited passerby yelled to me, "Let's get hoarse!" It actually could have been "Let's get whores," but I couldn't be sure. Either way, I'm positive he didn't say, "Let's get O'Dours!" or "Let's get hors d'oeuvres!" as he had surely had his fill of Miller Lite before dinner--in true Midwestern fashion.

I decided not to wait for the hoarseness or whores that had been promised to me and instead slipped back to the hotel, where I was provided with an excellent view and the opportunity to stave off frostbite. The parade did eventually pass, although I was at dinner at the time, and from what I could see in the moonlight, they had taken great pains to dress people up in Colts uniforms and masquerade them around as football players. I mean, come on, could you tell what anybody on a football team looked like without a helmet? I can point out one player on the entire Colts roster and that's only because Peyton Manning is selling me Mastercard, HDTV and the blood of a virgin goat (check out the Shopping Network sometime--you'd be amazed).

Indianapolis lives for the Colts, apparently. Half of the public school bus drivers didn't show up for work today. This is two days after the Super Bowl and the city still hasn't returned to work. The weather didn't help. God, who as we all know has forsaken the Midwest (how else does one explain Dayton?), decided to dump buckets of snow during the day and test out my skills with the minivan. I like going 20 MPH on unsalted freeways, so it was good for me, but these red meat-eating Hoosiers were having heart attacks trying to get to the post-post-Super Bowl rally.