What it means to be Irish

I'm not Irish. I know this. Still, I feel like I should inform some others that after your great-grandfather and grandfather and father have lived in America their entire lives, you're pretty much American. You're not "part-Irish", because how can you have part blood citizenship to an imaginary place? Where is your 1/8 passport? How about your 1/2 Irish accent? Your ability to drink 25% more than normal people because you're a quarter Irish? Maybe it's my degree in Nationalism Studies kicking in, but I no longer find heritage relevant. Part of me (the Irish part?) feels like declaring, "You're American, people--get used to it and celebrate the culture you have." But I won't because that's scary to some people. That means celebrating Britney Spears and tabloid journalism. Anna Nicole Smith and diet fads. Obesity. A depression rate of 9.6% in spite of overwhelming wealth. Dichotomous politics. Television. 24 hour news with about an hour of actual news. NASCAR.

On second thought, maybe we should scrap this American thing and just celebrate that little bit of Irishness we supposedly have 365 days a year.